I'm scared I might have an eating disorder... Not that I want to intentionally but well here is what happened...
The other day (3 days ago?) I woke up and had a cupcake for breakfast and felt sick and didn't finish it then I had a yogurt and felt like I was going to puke. So I just went and laid down and then I was just feeling like crap and couldn't eat for the rest of the day... Then the next day my stomach still bothered me and I had a headache I went to a friends house and the only thing I had was chips that whole day- then that night they had this dinner event at my church so I volunteered to help watch some kids in the nursery. I had a headache and felt weak and so was in a bad mood when my friend started annoying me with the kid I was watching and the one he was holding...
Then that night I almost couldn't drive home but I managed to make it to my driveway ( thank god I live a few blocks away) and I couldn't walk to my front door. I called my mom and she came home and helped me... The next day I started feeling better but I didn't eat in the morning since I had church and I never do till after but during small groups I had a little bit of ice cream and when a group of friends went to pollo tropical for lunch to celebrate a friends birthday I didn't eat - I wasn't starving or anything I was alright.
After lunch my friend called me out on my attitude and I knew I was acting differently and I think it was because of not eating but he started acting different too- I think it was a reaction to me though. We had plans to go to our friends house and watch a movie but we talked for awhile about things happening and made sure I ate something first and we prayed which helped me feel a lot better. God is our strength and hope.
So things have been getting a lot better besides my mess up at our friends house- I kind of said something out loud that was secret- luckily I don't think the rest heard but the one it was about did and we had to talk about it afterwards.. But he forgave me and so I hope it is all okay now...
So the theory my friend and I have for the not eating is because the day before the stomachache I was at this friends house and we talked about weight.. Not that I think I'm extremely fat or anything I know I'm not I would just feel better if I lost 2 or 3 pounds on my stomach and I know "who am I trying to impress?" but I just want to feel happy in my own skin for me and I do get into the worldly view on looks sometimes and it's something I'm trying to not let effect me but anyways with this in my head I think it mentally made me sick to think of food. I don't know. But I would never starve myself on purpose I don't think. Well today I ate 2 slices if pizza and feeling good so hopefully I can continue to eat and then start working out in a healthy way :)
~Staying Strong.
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